Saturday, November 29, 2008 9:47 AM, EST
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the Kings horses and all the King's men, better get Humpty's ass back up on that wall because she's got things to do!!
I have referred to myself as humpty a few times now in conversation, just clarifying my stance there. It is hard watching people you care about worry about you. They try to cover it, but it's in their eyes. It's in their tone of voice. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, or that is not appreciated, it's just hard to watch. From my side of the fence here, this is the beginning of a long road with bigger decisions to come. People say things to me like "you're so brave" or "you're so strong", I guess I don't see it that way. I've got two choices here -- fight like hell with mind, body, and spirit to get this out of me, or not. Not much of a choice really, so I'll take the first option.
Chris has had the Lion's share of helping Casey out with this, I guess it's hard for Casey to ask me some of the questions he has, and Chris does a great job with answers. Casey is so sweet, he was worried about everyone's reaction when I pick him up from school with no hair. I swore I'd always hear a hat. I also agreed to let him decorate my head with markers and tattoos when the time comes [no sharpies!]...yikes, I'll let you know how THAT turns out!
Hope everyone had a good long weekend, thanks for all the good thoughts!
Next up: CT/Bone scan 12/1; port in 12/3; chemo 12/5 what a week!!!
Monday, December 1, 2008 2:50 PM, EST
Hello all - not much new today, been MUGA'd and scanned [none of which are a big deal as far as proceedure goes] from head to toe. I go in Wed. morning for the port [a more permanent IV line so I don't have to be a human pin cusion] and then on to Chemo. Of course there is some anxiety about the scan results [I'm working on it Cynthia!!] but I am just ready to get this show on the road - it is very creepy since I can feel the tumor - I want to know I am doing something to kill it. Also very creepy that several radiology techs have commented on how often they are seeing patients like me [no family history, under age 40] with breast cancer. By definition we should be rare...that does not seem to be the case.
On the not so creepy side - Casey is looking entirely too forward to decorating my head. I may regret bringing that up! Happy Monday - have a good week!
Wednesday, December 3, 2008 1:17 PM, EST
Hi All - well, I learned two things today, Lortabs are good, Vercet is better. They put me under "conscious sedation" for the port procedure, but I'm not thinking I was very conscious - passed out mid sentence actually, but that is fine by me!! SO now I have a permanent gizmo under my skin that goes straight to the jugular vein - no more searching for veins - yeah! I have my appt with the genetic counselor next week to start that process [a good thing] so I will have the results back mid way through chemo and have time to weigh my surgery options. Hard to tell if I am just feeling chipper and optimistic this afternoon, or if the world is just a better place when you are hopped up on quality pain meds. [Woa, I'm entirely too Irish to be attracted to the lortab happy place - better watch it!] Seriously though, I am relieved to have the tests done for now, I want to get this show on the road. I guess I'll hear Friday how the scans went, haven't gotten any calls today. So, I am going to go sleep off the haze for a bit before mom comes to tote me around - thanks again for all the good mojo and prayers, everyone visualize nasty cells being obliterated by the poisons on Friday! I'll be armed with my laptop, Leeners ipod [which now has every U2 CD I've ever owned uploaded on it], cellphone and a cool book to piddle away the hours. Happy Hump Day !
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