May 28 - June 8 2009

Thursday, May 28, 2009 5:55 PM, EDT

Well let's hear it for another day of medical torture folks. What should have been a simple CT scan turns out to be a 3 hour vein popping f-bomb dropping fiasco. Apparently my veins are tiny, and a bit worn from chemo so when the MD ordered a specialized CT to follow up on the fatty liver deal that they saw 7 months ago, things did not go well. My port wouldn't cooperate, and they blew my vein on the first try so now I have a softball sized lump from the fluid that blew through and a fabulous 3 inch bruise. It took two tries on another vein, which hurt even worse even though the vein held. [This would be where the f-bombs dropped, my mother would not be proud...]So after 6 months of chemo and having had every other scan under the sun, going bald, having my estrogen halted, going to work with a plague on my face, it is a simple CT scan that reduces me to tears on the table. Go figure. Not so superhuman afterall. At least in the hospital you get good drugs for being sliced and diced like that for God's sake! I just hope they got the pictures b/c I can't have an MRI thanks to the metal in my legs and I sure as hell don't want to do this again any time soon!!

Surgery is Tuesday, I'll be home Wednesday and let you know how things go. Take care all!

Wednesday, June 3, 2009 11:44 AM, EDT

Hello all - I got home a couple of hours ago - amazing how much better you feel when you are in your own house! Surgery weny well overall,even though my veins are crap and there were some more battles to find a vein, use the vein, more blown veins - needless to say I was thrilled when they took the IV out today. So the plan for today is....to do as little as possible! Boy that sounds nice after the craptacular night's sleep you get when you are in the hospital, sharing the room with an eighty something year old woman with pnuemonia. A few immediate thanks - Lynn, the jammas are perfect, very comfy! Aunt Kathy, the plant you sent was HUGE and very pretty, St. Joe's crew - thanks for the roses, my favorite; the two "Leslie's" - your visits were a great pick me up; Leener and Erin, thanks for the comic relief and distraction last night - sorry you had to witness another vein popping outburst; and mom, thanks for the goofy kid stories, makes it nice for me to know they are having a blast.

I'll find out the pathology results Monday, but my surgeon reminded me that the results really don't change anything, as the plan goes on for Tamoxifen and radiation. I'll have the fabulous drain in for another week, I'll try to not pull it out like my dog did. :) Thanks for all the good thoughts and mojo, another milestone passed. Have a good week!

Monday, June 8, 2009 10:17 AM, EDT

Hi all - got pathology today from my surgeon, and I want to preface the results with what they mean vs. what they are. Long story short is that the results really just confirmed what we already knew; they confirmed that I've been doing the right course of treatment [and that it was OK to just take the lump and no the whole boob], that the chemo is working, and that I have to keep going with radiation and tamoxifen to finish the job. What I knew before I got the results is that less than 25% of women in my position get a totally clear report at this stage of the game, most often, as it is with me, the work just isn't done yet. Of course I wanted to hear "total pathological response, no evidence of disease" but what I got was "there was evidence of cancer taken out by surgery, evidence chemo worked, and that surgery was necessary and positive, but you are not done yet [meaning radiation, and tamoxifen]". OK - I'll take it.

The details are that there was still residual tumor when the surgeon went in, and he took it out - "with clean margins" meaning there is no tumor left now. He took out 18 nodes, 5 had evidence of cancer, and evidence that chemo was effective. The nodes work in a clear orderly chain [disease moves from one to the next], so this means the first 5 had cancer, the remaining 13 did not. They are also now gone. Once one node has cancer, you worry about any cells that "got out" and are still roaming around your body, but that's what the chemo was for, and we know this chemo did a good job killing this cancer.

I just don't want this turning into "OMG - after all that poison the cancer was still there?!" b/c the truth is chemo alone seldom kills this beast, like any thing big in life it takes a team - chemo, surgery, radiation, and in my case Tamoxifen - to get the job done right. For me the two hardest parts are done. I just have to wait a little longer to hear what I really want to hear "no evidence of disease / NED" - patience has never been a strong suit of mine!

I am still off work this week, recovering fine from surgery, though the drain is a pain to deal with. Time to lay low, and let my body keep killing cancer and healing itself. I'll check in again soon!