Apr 21 - 30 2009

Tuesday, April 21, 2009 5:46 PM, EDT

ONE MORE ROUND OF CHEMO!!! That statement has been a long time coming...a signal that the end of the road is finally coming into view. My surgery may get bumped a week - nothing tragic, just need an extra week to get my blood back - the last thing I need is infection from going into surgery with cruddy blood counts. Regardless, about 5 weeks from now I will no longer have to plan everything around blood counts and weak/sore days, and mouth sores and steroid buzzes. OK, now granted I will have to work around surgery recovery, radiation, and estrogen blockers, but from what I hear from others and from the MD's, this is far more workable than 6 solid months of high dose chemo.

I was waching Evan Almighty at mom's house the other day [didn't see the end - I assume Noah got to float the arc?!] and there was one scene where "God" tells Evan that when we pray for hope, God doesn't give us hope, he gives us opportunity to be hopeful. If we pray for Love he doesn't give us warm fuzzies, rather he gives us the opportunity to love and be loved. If we pray for life to change, he gives us the opportunity to change it. Pretty insightful writing for a cheesy movie I thought. My prayers vary day by day, but I do believe that at some point through this mess I will figure out where my opportunity to make my change and how to make it will take form. Until then Chris, the kids and I keep on swimming, I count my blessings, and I thank the baby Jesus that I am nearly done having poison surging through my veins!! Take care all, I'll check in again soon!

Monday, April 27, 2009 8:59 AM, EDT

Warning - Grey's Anatomy commentary - or skip to below if you only want my updates! :) OK - the Izzy story is what it is, she'll either die valiently with her friends by her side, or she'll have a miraculous recovery from stage IV skin cancer and continue her career as the bad-boundaried empathetic MD...depending on what her contract with the show dictates. Regardless - there are 2 points that I noticed from Thursday's show. #1 - That oncologist is wretched, and no one in oncology acts like that, even if they know their patient is clueless as to how bad things are about to get. Oncology is the place where they look you dead in the face to deliver bad news - no squirming and certainly no dramatics on their part. #2 - The brief view they gave of the treatment room was pretty real. And the characters remain the same; there are the optimisits [real and/or clueless], the really sick ones, and the in-betweens. I wish they would have shown how great oncology nurses are...but, I didn't write the show now did I?

As for me, surgery is offically bumped to 6/2/09 to make sure my blood counts have time to bounce back. My last chemo is 5/12/09 - apparently I get to wear a tiara to mark the occasion - fabulous...Radiation probably won't start until July. We'll figure out the parade of helpers as we get closer...Casey is getting quite used to some sort of spoiling every time I have some down time - would hate to break that trend now! Enjoy the Derby fun - for those going to the Oaks, don't forget it is a "pink out" for Susan G Komen this year - so wear your pretty pink and drink a Julep for me!

Thursday, April 30, 2009 12:36 PM, EDT

Well it is a good thing I didn't have any plans to hang out in the infield this year, because apparently I am redefining my definition of bad blood counts every round...I have hit an all time low [talking about counts, not morale!] once again, so I will be changing antibiotics and washing my hands like a madwoman and trying to avoid the swine flu and whatever else the germ ridden world has to offer. The good news from today is we think the raging not so fabulous rash on my chest and face is from the antibiotics, not the chemo, so we changed drugs and hopefully the red rage will stop crawling up my face. One more round...one more round...As the nurse practitioner [who I like] reviewed the bloodwork and settled into her come to Jesus speach about how critical it was that I stay away from new cooties right now, I laughed and reminded her where I worked and who I worked with and the fact that I have one kid in daycare and another in school - first grade no less, as germy as it gets. All she could muster while shaking her head was "wash your hands like you've never washed before".Yikes. One more round...one more round...