Feb 4 - 14 2009

Wednesday, February 4, 2009 10:05 AM, EST

The other night my family was at a late dinner and I was joking about my latest drag queen antics [also known as my ever evolving morning make up routine resulting from chemo induced bad skin and hairlessness] and apparently there was a woman across the room who noticed the tell all "hat instead of hair" I was sporting, and she says to my brother "What's her name, does she have cancer?" When my brother answered her, she said "Me too - Tell her I will say a prayer for her". Total stranger. Not sure If I'll ever get used to that. I guess once the makeup is on and the baldie [as Casey calls my head] is covered, I forget I look different to the outside world, and it is quite evident why that is. Never going to turn down an extra prayer though!

I never really reported after the last MD appt - counts were better - low, but not quarantine low. One last round of FEC and we are tweaking the meds one more time - I had to laugh, they are giving me Ativan before I leave this time, so I'll either not have to crawl into a hole as soon as I get home from treatment, or I'll at least feel alot better about it... Certainly can't hurt! Still waiting on insurance to approve the gene test - speaking of insurance, I think I past $30,000 of claims sent in already - apparently cancer isn't cheap! Next Friday marks the halfway done with chemo mark - after that I start a new drug, which supposedly isn't as rough as this one - we'll see how that works out, regardless, halfway done will be a good place to be. Stay warm all!!



Thursday, February 12, 2009 8:57 AM, EST

Tomorrow marks the halfway point - halfway done with chemo...a nice milestone for a change, getting a bit tired of the other ones!! In theory, the next drug is supposed to be more tolerable, more of a fatigue issue than the sickness that this one brought, but given my first round experience with this one, I'll not get my hopes up too high for an easy ride. Seems like everything with this disease has a touch of irony, or one more "kick in the pants" - this time it seems it is when I finally get this poison under control, and I get used to life on this chemo, now it is time to change the game. Oh well, another challenge in letting go of my control freak tendencies [yeah I know - good luck with that!]. So the round this week should be similar to the last two, go to treatment, go home and sleep off the crud, start to crawl out of the hole sometime Saturday...at least I get Ativan this time [why did they hold back??] so I will at least feel better about the whole ordeal! Still waiting on the approval from insurance for the BRCA 1-2 test [gene test], I gave a nudge to the gene center this AM since my timeline is finally on the downward slope towards surgery, and getting this crap out of me for good.

The picture of Casey is when we went to the zoo with a friend last weekend - the Lorakeets were NUTS and went after Casey and I like crazy - maybe the fact that I was wearing bright green had something to do with it. Logan was none to pleased with our feathered friends - I wasn't particularly thrilled myself, especially when I got peed on...

Hope everyone has a good weekend, thanks for all the mojo, prayers, food [still some inthe freezer!] and overall good cheer. I'll check in when I come out of the hole!



Saturday, February 14, 2009 4:15 PM, EST

No more FEC!!!! [The name of the quality poison cocktail I've had thus far.] For anyone who is curious here's the list of what it takes to get through this cocktail - the first three are the poisons, the rest are to deal with side effects: 5FU, Epirubicin, Cytoxin, tagamet IV, pepsid AC [daily till I'm all done], dexamethasone, emend, [an IV anti-nasia drug I've forgotten the name of], prochlorperzine, kytril, ativan, and my dear friend colace.A bit much, don't you think?! This round went about the same or a tad better than last - I traded the Friday night nausia for an Ativan coma...fair trade I'd say. Been fairly productive between couch potato episodes today, finally started some thank you cards. When I was writing them it dawned on me that I was diagnosed exactly three months ago - seems like so much longer than that. So many thank you's are owed for three months time!

For most of the day I was by far the youngest again, at least a 20 year gap and no, I'm not hedging on my age. Hard to interpret what that feels like really, sometimes I wonder where the young ones are, I can't be the only one - from my internet boards I know I'm not. Just seems like it on treatment days. There was this one man making us all nuts, asking a million times if it's ok to take his xanax, and then when the MD [appropriately sensing xanax wasn't going to cut it] offered a daily anti-anxiety med he became irate and asked me if I took a drug daily to calm me down - I told him without looking up from my laptop "No, I do therapy and guided imagery" - I wasn't the only one who chuckled when he promptly shut up! Score one for the young 'un!

Hope everyone has a good weekend, I see the oncologist Tuesday to discuss the second half of the poison journey to kill this disease - this one is supposed to be more about soreness and fatique than nausia and mouth issues - we'll see! Regardless, halfway DONE is a nicer place to be.