Apr 3 - 13 209

Friday, April 3, 2009 6:41 PM, EDT

Hi all - I forget about the fact that silence on my part can be a bit decieving, and since I have been honest about the profound crappiness of chemo, some of you may envision me curled up on my couch in sheer misery, when that's not always necessarily the case. This is round 2 of the new drug, so therefore it is more predictable, which takes much of the edge off of it. This is more like knowing you'll have the flu for a couple of days, except you know when it will come so you can kiss your kids and send them off to grandma's house and be lazy until it passes! Sometimes even I can wallow in a little self care, and not be so determined to suck it up and be "normal". The other fact is on other days it helps to be "normal" even if I feel like crap - doesn't mean I'm trying to be a martyr, just my way of keeping on. One of my favorite kid's movie scenes is at the end of Finding Nemo when Dori is in the net with the silver fish, and they are all freaking out b/c the next is dragging them out of the ocean, and Dori, just keeps swimming against the pull singing "keep on swimming, keep on swimming...." Call me Dori - and each day whether good or bad, achy or pukey, mouth sores or not, I feel it is right for me to "keep on swimming". And it is no secret to me that all you well wishers and posters or lurkers are swimming along too.

Thanks to the Owenton crew for spoiling Casey over Spring Break - it's fun seeling your 7 year old totally wiped out from just plain goofing off and running around in the country. Keeping my kids in the "normal" is the biggest help of all. Have a good weekend...keep on swimming...keep on swimming... :)





Friday, April 10, 2009 8:01 AM, EDT

My pity parties come at very inopportune times. Last night at church I was so pissed that my mouth wouldn't work right [swollen on the inside from chemo] and I thought I sounded like crap [I play the flute with choir] that I nearly let it ruin the fact that I was able to be there at all. Mind you, few people there would have noticed much of a difference, nor would anyone care...again - my own personal pity party. It seems the closer I get to the end of chemo the longer it seems to take, and I get so damned tired of not being able to do what I want when I want and feel how I want to doing it. [Can you get the visual of me stomping my feet and wailing like Logie?!] OK Patty, time to regroup...

So today I am doing a morning meeting at a hospital and calling it quits for the day before I ruin my whole weekend by pouting. My best guess is that my counts are in the dump, which sucks the energy right out of me, and combined with a little sleep deprivation is just a bad mix. Time for Dori to sleep it off, enjoy the Easter hubbub for the weekend, and try not to get caught sneaking chocolate from the kids' Easter baskets. Keep on swimming...keep on swimming...


Tuesday, April 14, 2009 7:51 AM, EDT

Hi all, hope you had a good Easter / Passover weekend. My pity party ended, and the weekend went well, I'll try to remember to upload pics tonight, the boys had fun decorating eggs, and spend a laid back Sunday playing outside and blowing bubbles with Daddy. By Monday I was even able to eat food that had more texture than pudding!

On the medical side - I have a surgery date - 5/26/09, just an overnight inthe hospital. For the googlers, it is a "lumpectomy with axillary node dissection" - the rewards of enduring chemo first. Statistically speaking since I have responded so well to chemo and my gene test is negative I can feel safe having this proceedure and still get to a cure. I should only be out of work a couple of weeks. [We'll figure out what help will come into play when it gets closer]. My blood counts remain in the dumper [really anemic] but with two rounds left we try to not do anything else but suck it up and hope my blood can maintain just a little longer before it gets a well deserved break! Kind of like the rest of me - suck it up and hang in - the finish line is in sight!!

Have a good week - next round #7 - is next week. ALMOST DONE WITH CHEMO!!!