Dec 4-Dec8 2008

Thursday, December 4, 2008 10:58 PM, EST
Do you remember that feeling you got as a kid the first time you got to the top of the hill on a really scary roller coaster ride? That part where the first cars have already headed downhill, and you are waiting to be pulled over the top and your stomach gives away that inkling of "Oh shit - what have I gotten myself into"...that's where I am tonight. Just a few cars back waiting my turn to be pulled down the hill, into one of those tunnels that you can't see the end of until you are through it.
The kids are asleep, I was too on the couch while watching Grey's Anatomy [the hallucinating Izzy storyline is getting a bit drawn out don't you think?] and when I got up to get everything ready for the morning that twinge hit in my stomach...oh shit, what am I in for now. Time to take a deep breath, drink my water like a good little chemo patient [have to hydrate for the day ahead] and remind myself the only way to get to the celebration at the end of the ride is to get in the car and get up the first hill. I'll let you all know how it goes!

Saturday, December 6, 2008 2:35 PM, EST
OK - so the fact that it took 24 hours for me to get to the computer kind of gives an you inkling as to what day one was like. Especially since my computer is 1 room over from the TV. On the upside - the scans are clear, so I am in stage 2, not stage 3 - a key survival and cure rate difference. The port is probably one of the best things invented - so the process is easy and painless.
The down side is side effects. I think I had things fairly well planned - no kids was a key idea - no way could I have been a mom yesterday, still not so much today, but maybe later [thanks grandma!]. Anyone who knows me at all, knows that not being able to function as a mom even if for a day is worse than the incapacitating nausia I felt last night...damned pride. I'm not sure what it was like for Chris to come home and do the right things and say the right things and still just have to sit back and watch - good thing the meds knocked me out a bit. From what I know, and from what is starting to happen, is I should start pulling out of the funk, and then other side effects kick in, like fatigue and funky blood counts etc., then I feel better, and then we go again on 12/29.
So for all you waiting in the wings, I get the feeling meals will be a good call, for my kids and Chris moreso than me, b/c I don't feel like eating nonetheless cooking, it will be nice on bad days not to worry about that. Thanks for all the cheerleading too, this hungover bitch needed that today! So I made it through day one, needless to say I'll be having a conversaiton with my oncologist about his "we hope you'll have no nausia" schtick b/c THAT surely is not how it worked out! For his sake hopefully I'll be feeling better by then!

Monday, December 8, 2008 11:18 AM, EST
Accomplishment for the day - I am at work. Goal for tomorrow - bring my brain to work and leave the heartburn at home. We'll just have to see how that goes. I am glad for the distraction of coming to work, and not sitting pitiful at home, and the boys needed to keep moving too. The countdown to "Mrs. Clean" has begun [my head, not my house] so thanks to those who have already supplied some baldy coverage, and I need to get a good short haircut this week. Even Chris has been poking the web for some eye catching hats. I don't have a very chipper response when people ask "so how did it go?" - I can pretty much say chemo sucks, but today is better than yesterday, and once I figure out how to eat, that will be a step in the right direction. I am very thankful for the well wishes and offers to help, I'll definately be taking advantage of that esp. as I figure out this cycle, so I can better prepare for round 2. For now, if anyone out there has a few extra brain cells they can spare, let's see if we can transfuse them this way, b/c I am definately a few short today!