Wednesday, December 17, 2008 9:39 AM, EST
You know that string on a shirt or a scarf that you can't help but pull and tug on even though you know it will pull and ruin the cloth, and you shouldn't pull it but you just HAVE to? That is now my head. I am at work doing paperwork at a dreadfully slow pace, and had an itch. There it was, the fateful first clump. Not broken hairs, mind you, but from the root. I have to keep my hands off it b/c Casey has his Christmas program today and his biggest fear is me showing up bald. I want to pull it though - feels good to tug it - like those damned packing poppers that you have to pop every one. So get ready people, I suspect tonight will be shaving night. SHIT - I seriously just pulled another 100 hairs out. Just need to make it to 2p with hair! Very strange, I was freaked for a second [remember the roller coaster?] but now I just want to pull it. It gets you right when you are feeling human again too - Monday and Tuesday were my most normal, now I have to learn how to decorate my head. Quite the party trick I have going here - trichotillomania gone awry. My mantra for the day - don't touch my head, don't touch my head...
Thursday, December 18, 2008 9:04 AM, CST
Bigger Balder Bitch?!?! Yikes. Brief low point last night - as I am sitting in my kitchen with Chris shaving my head, Logan walks in and gives us a look that I swear translates to "What the F*** are you all doing??" Much better high point that hapened just a bit later - I am on the couch, with both boys rubbing my buzzed head and giggling. Casey even said after just a couple of minutes, "That's not that bad, you can show up to my school that way" [a HUGE statement for him]. Today he said he liked my pirate hat [a.k.a. scarf]. SO am now a visual poster child fo those of us who should be technically too young to have this disease. If you don't mind, send the mojo Chris' way today - can't imagine the position he was in yesterday when I told him he had to shave it, and he had to do that day. He managed to do it even when I flinched the first 5 times he turned the clippers on. Dignity means alot with this very undignified disease, and shaving it off maintained a tad bit of mine. He held up, and held me up for that moment when I needed it. Another cancer milestone over, and once again - my boys rock!!
Monday, December 22, 2008 9:15 AM, EST
Medically not alot going on these days, my body is just generally a bit pissed off at this whole ordeal, and lets me know in unique ways. [Does anyone realize how important nose hairs are???] I am on the 7 day countdown to round 2 [ugh], and hopefully my body will rebound a bit more before going through the gauntlet again. People ask about the effects of chemo being cumulative, or of the agents getting stronger as time goes on - that is not quite the case but what I can see happening is that depending on how fast your body rebounds at the end of each cycle, you go back in a bit lagging, which doesn't set you up well to tolerate the next round.
Just in case I don't post I the next couple of days b/c of the holiday madness, I wanted to take the opportunity to send my most sincere thanks to all the posters, readers, prayers, lurkers, shoppers, babysitters, cooks, laugh makers, hat bringers, cheer leaders, planners, well wishers and overall lifesavers for getting me and my family through round one, and the seven to come. The past six weeks has brought more than anyone can be prepared for, and your support has let me focus on beating this, and raising my kids while doing so. Santa is alive and well from what I can see, and this little pink meeting place shows the true spirit of Christmas year round is alive and well too. Thanks again.
BTW - I am certain the tumor is already shrinking, I can't feel it as easily as before. Merry Christmas to me...
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