WIne and Dissapointment

So while sharing a bottle of a really good California Red with my sister, we start talking about Chris. The downside of finishing the bottle. Apparently he is brazen enough to tell the neighbors about his current dates, taking whatever skank of the week to haunted houses over halloween. But he didn't buy his son a birthday gift. I claim to take the high road on visits, but the honest truth is that I prefer visits to be at home even though he disgusts me because I do not trust him with our children. Here comes a momentary pity party: I never thought this is who he was. I never thought I would be gullable enough to believe in someone who hadn't earned it. I never thought I would be the divorcee bitching about what a scumbag her ex husband was, and who dreaded the day [but yet secretly needed the day] that her children knows what little cahracter he has, and that their potential is so much greater. Pity party over...for now. I look at my kids and know that things are meant to be. I can no longer have kids, the tradeoff for being cured of cancer. So if I had lost faith in Chris or found out who he was even just four years ago, I wouldn't have Logan.I want my name back. I want my financial independance. I want my divorce.