Doing the right thing.

Everything in me wants to kick Chris in the teeth. And put a billboard in front of his store letting the world know what a liar and a cheat he is. But I can't. I have two boys watching me to see how this is all going to play out. So I do the right thing, and play nice, and hide the fact that when he comes to visit the kids I am cringing on the inside and want him as far away from my home as possible. And sit 5 feet away from him at Casey's football games and be polite while he chats it up with the other dads. I doubt he tells them that he is living in his parents house because he cheated on his wife and has shown up at maybe three games for his kids in the 5 years they've been doing sports. But...I do the right thing...and shut up...and play nice. And tell the kids to have fun with Daddy, even though I am scared to death he is going to do something stupid, or let them get hurt or scared or worried. Meanwhile my brain gets locked up, my paperwork is tragically behind because I cannot focus, and I get to worry and pray every month he manages to pay his damned child support while questioning when is the right time to give up on this house and move. I keep this blog attached to my cancer blog still. THe sentiments feel the same. I remember wanting the tumor to be gone. And the fight to be over. And I wanted to feel free from the pressure of it. I am back to that place again. But I will do the right thing...and show my boys how to survive.