fraud or fighter?

There are times when I feel like a fraud. Like people have this image that I have it all together, that I am strong, and have this cancer thing kicked. Then why do I need ativan to sleep? And why do my husband and I cope with stress by only discussing the bare minimums, and he doesn't have a clue what my days are like? Logan is in trouble at school, and I know it is the aftereffects of having a totally stressed out and unhinged mommy at home who yells too much b/c I am constantly at my wits end. I keep thinking how do I pull out of this - I lurk around on the cancer boards, and find out I am not so unusual, but that there are no clear answers to the exit door either. I am trying to find things that make me happy, and make me a better parent..I just feel it is so much harder doing it on my own; Chris doesn't get it, he doesn't get me, and he is buried in the stress of the business and won't let anyone help. I want to be less of a faker, but am not ready to put it all out there - not sure what I'm afraid of, so I make little changes day by day. Try to focus on life, day by day. I do believe this will all lead somewhere, and I will ber better and happier for it. Sometimes it is just foggy. I didn't plan on being 37 and not being certain of who I am anymore. I imagined this point in my life being easier; more stable maybe. For now, I will be glad I have my kids, enjoy my friends, build up my faith again and hope the rest falls into place.